Fandom
by fhclause
Summary: Fandom: Where Godo's judgement went terribly haywire. Crackfic. Yuffentine.


_**Fandom**_

_Final Fantasy VII __© SQUARE ENIX_

_Fandom __© fhclause_

_Avoid the Kisaragis at all cost. _

That was what the cryptic message sent by Reeve said.

_Don't let the damn brat get near you! There's something fishy going on—_

That unfinished message was sent by Cid.

_Vincent, I think it's better if you leave Nibelheim. Now._

Cloud's message was ambiguous if it wasn't direct.

_Yo, man. I know we never talk or anything but if you see Lord Wutai or the princess anywhere...just... try to get far, far away, k?_

How Reno got his phone number was a mystery.

_Mr. Valentine, I know this is quite sudden, but if you spot any Kisaragis around, I suggest you run._

Rufus' one was no better.

And Vincent would have run far, far away—maybe to Wasteland—if he had read these messages before carelessly chucking his phone along with his clothes into the washing machine that morning.

But because he didn't, he was now in this indisputably bizarre and hazardous situation.

"So, Vincent Valentine. Do you accept my daughter's hand? To be her lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you apart?

"...No."

Godo rose from his throne. "What do you mean by 'no'!? Are you trying to shirk from your responsibilities!?"

"Dad! Please! I told you, this is all just a misunderstanding!"

"Misunderstanding? _Misunderstanding_!? Then, are you telling me that this man—" Godo pointed to Vincent who was tied and kneeling on the floor "—was not, after all, the one who took your purity!? Was it Sephiroth!?"

Yuffie smacked her forehead for the umpteenth time that day and grimaced when she saw Vincent raised an eyebrow at her in question.

Damn it. She should have known better than to left her computer on and let her nosy father snoop around and discover the evilness of internet.

"Dad, I told you... Whatever you saw or read in the internet was just some damn _made-up stories_!"

Godo grabbed Yuffie's shoulder. "But Yuffie, those stories...they were too _detailed_ to be just made-up! Too well written! Atrocious... and with six different men!" He shook his head. "No, I was quite sure there were some others, but—but—I mean, I understand if it were any of your teammates, but that uncouth redhead and that Shinra kid—" Godo's skin turned pale. "Leviathan, help me... How are you going to marry a dead man, Yuffie?"

"Gawd! I told you; it's not Sephiroth, it's not Cid or Reeve or Cloud, and it's definitely not the Turkies or that creepy white Shinra ghost!" Yuffie jerked her thumb at Vincent. "And he's a goddamn vampire! Seriously, you've kidnapped them and you've interrogated them; what other proves you need, Dad?" Yuffie suddenly deflated with an irritated sigh. "And Dad, I've _never_ slept with any of them _or_ with anyone, for Leviathan's sake..."

"Never? Really?" At Yuffie's nod, Godo sighed in relief. The choked sound from the floor however, raised his suspicions again. "You. Man in red. Did something amuse you?"

Vincent shook his head but the gleam in his eyes showed otherwise. "No, not necessarily, but... Lord Kisaragi, if you untie me, I might be able to explain what happens."

Godo narrowed his eyes and waved his hand. The guard untied him and Vincent stood. "Well? What is your explanation?"

Vincent merely raised his eyebrow. "Lord Kisaragi, I think you have been fooled by the fandom."

"Fandom?"

"Yes, fandom. It is—" He glanced at Yuffie who were mouthing something. "—some kind of a kingdom where the new breed of paparazzi lives."

Godo jerked back. He knew what paparazzi were and what they do. He hated them. But— "'New... _breed'_, you say?"

"Yes. Like paparazzi, they followed you everywhere and search for your personal information through the internet. But unlike the normal paparazzi—" Yuffie was doing some weird dances now. "—they make up fantasy stories to...well, expand their kingdom or 'fandom' as they call it, I suppose."

The Wutai ruler mulled this over. "Then those news—stories—I read...really _are_ all made-up?"

"Yes."

Godo shook his head. "But this still does not explain the blood stain on Yuffie's bed!" The room went silent and he swore the temperature of the room dropped several degrees. "See? I knew I was right!" He turned to Yuffie again. "Yuffie! Who was it!? Who is your lover?"

"Dad, that's—"

"I will not judge you, daughter! I know that this is partly my fault, but I am still your father!"

"Seriously, Dad—"

"Wait...that Shinra kid... He stayed in Wutai a few days ago, didn't he? And he left just this morning! Yuffie, I know I taught you to be cunning, but to sleep with the enemy—!"

"Dad! I'm having my period!"

The room went silent again and this time, everyone shivered from the coldness of the room.

"O-Oh..."

Yuffie palmed her face. "Dad, I think you need a holiday. A long, _long_ holiday."

"I-I think you are right, daughter. Well, I suppose—" Godo cleared his throat. "—I'll arrange that holiday with Staniv now. Excuse me."

When the Wutai leader and the guards were safely out of sight and the doors were tightly shut, Yuffie slumped over. "I'm never gonna read fanfics at home. Ever. Again." She groaned. "Somebody kill me..."

"Kill you? I thought you were going to gloat for explaining what fandom was to me a few months ago. It did save your life after all."

Yuffie glared at the smirking gunman. "Don't start, Valentine. Not in the mood right now."

Silence. And then, "'Never sleep with anyone', huh? Does this mean we have to stop our little trysts?"

Yuffie straightened and pouted at him. "I gotta lie here and there, y' know? Though I don't think I'm in the comfortable condition to be with right now..."

The corner of Vincent's lip twitched. "I'm a patient man."

"Yeah, about that... I do hope you're going to say 'yes' the next time the vow is mentioned."

"Under the right circumstances, of course."

Yuffie grinned and was just about to huddle closer to Vincent when the door was suddenly burst opened.

"Ch-Chekov! What the hell! You scared me!"

"My Lady! Your father—he—he took ninety-nine Phoenix Down from the treasure room and start muttering about reviving the dead!"

Yuffie groaned. "Dammit! If Sephiroth somehow got revived again, I'm sooo gonna kill that old man!"

* * *

**Well, that was random. TBH, after Yuffentine, I'm a big fan RufusxYuffie (there's some similarities between Rufus and Vincent IMO), followed by RenoxYuffie and then SephxYuffie. Too bad that most of these shippings are not as popular as Yuffentine though...**

**Sorry if I overused the overprotective father trait and killed Godo in here. And sorry if I made you feel awkward in the middle of the story ;P Hope you still enjoy the story. Thanks for reading ^v^ and any reviews/feedback/correction is welcomed!**


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